{"list":"tag-parenting","title":"Sterling’s Truths for Life: parenting","aphorisms":[{"key":"12","truth":"Parents are only responsible for their parenting, not for their children’s obedience.","explanation":"
There is a strange notion out there that a child’s behavior is directly\nindicative of that child’s parents ability to raise them. While there’s an\nkernel of truth in that belief, it’s only a half-truth (a.k.a. a lie).
\n\nA child is responsible for his or her own behavior just as a parent is\nresponsible for his or her own behavior.
\n","tags":["parenting","morality"]},{"tags":["parenting","morality"],"explanation":"While a parent may not be responsible for the behavior of his or her children\n(see STFL #12). A parent is responsible for giving his or her children the tools\nnecessary to behave well.
\n\nThis includes teaching right and wrong, the rules of common ettiquette and\npolite behavior, how to cope with their passionate feelings appropriately, etc.
\n\nA child not taught these things may choose to behave well, but they may be\ncoarse and rude in the process because they weren’t given the tools they should\nhave been given. A child that is taught these things may choose to misbehave and\ndo so in a way that is polite and quite immoral. Neither of these outcomes is\nthe result or responsibility of their parents.
\n","truth":"Children are only responsible for their obedience, not for their parent’s parenting.","key":"13"},{"key":"33","truth":"Love is properly defined as committing to do the best for someone.","explanation":"There are lots of silly and stupid definitions for love. All of them are wrong\nunless it matches this one.
\n\nLove is not a feeling. It is not a state of mind. It is not a desire. It is not\na tingly sensation in the loins. It is not affection. It is not an expression.\nIt is not an action by itself. It is not even a habit or an attitude.
\n\nLove is a commitment, a solemn promise carried out, to do the best for someone.\nYou can love strangers just as well as you can love your spouse or even\nyourself. You can love briefly or for a lifetime. The amount and type of love\nshown will differ in each case, but there's no special qualifier or\ncondition required to love.
\n\nJust wanting to show love is not love. Love is only love when it is acted out.
\n\nOn the other hand, an action alone is not love either, just a deed. Without\ncommitment, an action lacks the intention to do what's best and the follow\nthrough to make sure it is best.
\n\nThe hard part is figuring out what \"do the best\" means.
\n","tags":["love","marriage","parenting"]},{"tags":["parenting","morality"],"explanation":"If an adult is not himself disciplined, he can’t hope to teach discipline to his\nchildren. This applies to basically all virtue.
\n","truth":"Disciplined children start with disciplined adults.","key":"78"},{"tags":["parenting"],"explanation":"The person who coined this phrase clearly never had a baby and never had to\nsleep with one in the house.
\n","truth":"Babies do not sleep like a baby.","key":"82"},{"explanation":"The thing no one ever tells parents-to-be is this: you will become obsessed with\nmonitoring the frequency, consistency, and mass of poop extruded by your\nchildren.
\n","tags":["children","parenting","poop"],"key":"95","truth":"Parents are obsessed with the poop of their kids."},{"explanation":"Everyone who has ever written a parenting book that had a method that \"does it\nthe right way\" is wrong. Just about anyone can be a good parent. Pretty much\nevery sane person has all the equipment and instincts to do it. The notion that\nthere's one system or formula for doing it right is simply hubris. (This form of\npride seems to be especially infectious among authors writing books on\nparenting.)
\n\nThere may be some good practical advice to be had, but mostly it comes down to\nlove, where \"love\" is defined as committing to do the best for another person\n(eee STFL #33). If you are committed to do that, you already have everything you\nneed. You might be too wishy-washy, too legalistic, too chaotic, too demanding,\ntoo whatever. Yet, if you have love, you'll try to do less of whatever you are\n\"too\" of and focus on what's best for your kids.
\n\nThe reason that there are so many bad parents out there is not because those\nparents don't have the right mojo. It's simply because those parents don't love\ntheir children.
\n","tags":["parenting"],"key":"127","truth":"There's no magic formula to parenting."}]}